So yesterday I was having a pretty good day.  I had been feeling so under the weather. Having only had this one bad sunburn in my life, I had no idea how much a sunburn takes out of a person.  Eek! So anyway I was feeling better. I cleaned the house, worked out. Then I showered and was ready to enjoy an evening home with my family.  So I’m warming up some dinner. We had tons of leftovers and I’m trying to tell my husband about an email I received about a new PBS show I thought we might like.  He interrupts me immediately, because he thinks I’m trying to dictate the evening, even though I’m not because we couldn’t even watch the show. I’m so tired of being interrupted and cut off. I’m so tired of fighting to even speak. Anyway I said “I’m just trying to have a normal conversation.” He flew off the handle because I used the word normal. He was offended and tried to tell me I say this to him constantly. Honestly it’s all lies. I may have said this to him a few times over the past year, because we don’t have normal conversations. He is incapable of having a normal conversation. So this has been added to the ever growing list of things I’m not allowed to say. I’m so over it. I just don’t even care anymore. I said it the way I did, because I was saying, “hey I’m not trying to dictate anything we can’t watch the show anyway, I just thought I’d tell you about the show.’ He took it as “you are incapable of having a normal conversation.” Why did he take it that way, because that is his truth and he knows it.

I’m so tired of having to walk on eggshells. I’ve noticed my conversation skills have lessened over the years. I use to be able to write and speak so eloquently. All the isolation over the years has not served me well. I’m ready to get back out into the world.

 

 

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